Shoes

To the girls who are heartbroken and taken for granted,

Here is a compilation of things my inner circle told me that had helped me through the abyss of uncertainty.

Checklists,

We all have that, but someday, you will throw it away for the person that suits you.

I remember reading Michelle Obama's post long ago about shoes. She said finding a spouse is like finding the right pair of shoes. One pair of shoes might be very pretty, lovely, artsy, smart, multi-talented even multi-lingual, but if it's not your size, then it's not for you. A friend who has found his soulmate told me, the one that suits you will always bring kindness and positive things into your life and nothing else. Therefore, take your checklist as the kind of optional bonuses you'd like to come with the shoes, but the shoes themselves must fit your feet well in the first place. Not too small that they crush your feet, nor too loose that you have to walk with such effort just to keep them intact.

Always choose yourself,

You will realize there are so many people who care about you, whether they showed it before or not. They will be there checking up on you, sending you funny memes, songs, throwback pictures, and cat videos, calling for no reason, driving you around, etc. There are always family and friends who will choose to be there for you. Therefore, why shouldn't you? You are the most important person to be there for you.

When a relationship is over,

it is not your fault, no matter how clever the other person was trying to bring you down.

If you feel wronged and hurt, you are wronged and hurt. Never justify the doer.

Ask this,

"Could he be the one?" only after he shows you real commitment, not before. Mixed signals always means "No". So, be exclusive with someone when he agrees to commit and asks for your hand. No need to feel guilty to be open to the other pursuers before that happens, because being a magnet that attracts oh-so-many is always better than being a laser that focuses on one peasant dot.

When you comprehend all of the above,

You will hold your chin up, walk away from those who disrespect you and fail to appreciate you, act wiser in seeing qualities (buy a product for the product, not for the bonuses it comes with), not easily swayed until they prove themselves to you. Finally, when you choose yourself, this is when you have that clearer vision of your goals in life. You will realize that that violent collision in the head might be a blessing in disguise to whip you back on track. To be that centerfold that is out of everyone's league, for you. To always aim high on everything, for you. It's always easier to be prettier, healthier, braver, or more talented but it's important to be both clever and kind, powerful and polite, too. (thanks, Taylor, for your new song "Marjorie")

Then who knows when you're busy seeking to live a better life, the one that suits you will come around when you least expecting him. If he wouldn't? You still live a better life. ;)