Traffic

Back then I used to secretly like long traffic because it allowed me the undivided time to daydream and think about things to write. I was one of those people who find ideas and prefer to organize thoughts during a bus or taxi ride while staring at the sun rays or moving buildings and trees. Let's just say that I had that little space corner in my head where I could feel safe and undistracted that it felt almost like I had a portable home in my mind. Yup, a tortoise girl who found serenity in her own little world. That was just how I was.

I don't know since when I left that magical safe-zone and started to hate traffic like the rest of society, even when I was not in a hurry. Wasting my time scrolling on my smartphone instead, back and forth between work and social media, for some time I belonged to the mainstream. I couldn't blame me though, because, after a good few years of surviving the capital city, it was easy for anyone to force fall into a common category. Floating is understandable after rounds of rough swimming and as a girl who always fought so hard for everything she did, that was needed.

That was why I was so surprised to find myself in that little corner in my head once again today on my way back home from work. I thought, eh..it's been a while. It felt nostalgic to be able to feel that kind of contentment again..until I found you there too. I'm not sure if you could be there, I mean, look, you don't belong there. Everything there is nice and permanent. They DON'T get old and I don't want to have an NPC who remains there while in reality, the human already left.

The car slowed down on a small bridge near the airport perimeter. Looking out to the window, it was a stunning sunset view with water silhouette on a small river and a plane flew away up above it to land on a runaway. Of course, I hadn't really look at it whenever I passed it by before. I saw planes a lot on a daily basis that it almost felt like seeing birds, but at that time, that plane looked especially dramatic I wonder why. Maybe because a guitar cover on "Sokkenai-RADWIMPS" was playing on my Bluetooth earphone too, that all the dark cracks and stiff walls softened up and things were glowing warmly in that imaginary corner.

SO I should just kick you out, right? I'm afraid I couldn't get you out of there if I let you stay too long. But just this one time would not hurt, would it? I was too tired to move and my eyes were too heavy to look your way. Closing them, I pictured a big girl who was more mature and had a better understanding of the world. Her capacity for enduring pain and hardship had made her kinder and wiser. That was how I know that she still had a long way to go and that no one is able to control a time limit of an entanglement.